I spend a good amount of time listening to podcasts, talking to people, and just thinking about how to improve myself. I also spend plenty of time dwelling on what I wish could have been or "should" have been. I was reminded of that this last week during Christmas. Jacque, Wyatt, and I were visiting my dad and his wife in Boerne. I love spending time with my dad. I often struggle to connect with him though. On occasion we have deeper conversations about "real stuff", but most the time its just "shooting the shit." During the trip I starting focusing on the past. I wished my dad had bought me my first knife, I wish my dad had taught me how to skin a fish, hunt, etc. He talks a big game about doing manly stuff, but then I realized we didn't do any of it. Its not just that we didn't do these things that bothered me, but also I just wish we were closer.
I was feeling pretty disconnected with everyone after this. "Where do you go from here", I thought? Do I just keep telling my dad that I wish we would have done more stuff? Jacque suggested that I write him a letter for his birthday and tell him all of the things I appreciate about him. I was like, "huh!?" He hasn't even done any of the stuff a father should do with his son. Then all of a sudden I realized I was totally caught up in this belief of what a father should do with his son, and how I never got those experiences....and because of that I was less. I was in the pity party pit and deep! So I did write him a letter. At first it wasn't easy, but it helped me realize all of the good he had done. I told him all of the things that I appreciated about him, and what I learned from him, and also a few things that I'd like to continue working on with him. I pretty quickly let go of my resentment, and self pity.I also decided that instead of waiting for my dad to plan to do stuff, I am just going to plan it out myself and take the initiative.
I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you want to make the world a better place
(If you want to make the world a better place)
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change
This is what I am going to use to power me through 2019, and I'd encourage you to think about how you will make change in the world as well. No matter what the current situation looks like, each experience gives us growth and new opportunity. We can't change anyone else. We can complain about others plenty, but then where does that get us? So take the opportunity to start with yourself. How do you treat yourself? Do you listen to your families needs? Are you kind to your in-laws? Are you stuck behind a wall of doubt, frustration, or self pity? The only power those obstacles have is what we give it. Knock that broke ass wall down and get goin on the Change Train! Our Trail Roots community is full of inspiration. If you need to get some, just reach out to your fellow runners and you will find it.